Horrible 2
Weird War
The Celts were fierce fighters. The Roman historians tell some of the stories about Celt warriors, so they
are usually believed (why is it that people believe Horrible historians?). In fact the Romans probably
exaggerated a bit to make their own soldiers look better when they defeated the Celts.
1- Cu Chulainn became temporarily insane in battle, going into spasm when he was so full of blood lust
that he couldn't tell friend from foe. This frenzy can still be seen on soccer pitches today!
2- The early Celt warriors fought with no clothes on except perhaps a band around their necks called a
torque. They didn't believe in wearing armour. The Celts knew the gods would decide if they were to die
that day. All the armour in the world wouldn't protect them. Armour and underpants protected the
Romans!
3- The Celts were very bad losers. If it looked like they were losing they killed themselves. In one cheerful
Roman statue a Celtic warrior is shown plunging a sword into his chest with one hand, while holding the
body of his wife with the other He had already killed her to save her from capture.
4- The crafty Celts were great riders and invented a special saddle for fighting. They had now stirrups for
their feet so were always in danger of falling off. The Celt saddle of the 2nd and 3rd centuries BC had
four high bumps (pommels is the posh word) that could be gripped with the legs. That left one hand free
to guide the horse and the other hand to hold the weapon.
5- In 52 BC an army of 50,000 Romans defeated 250,000 Celts Gauls led by Vercingetorix. The trouble
was the Celts fought as individuals, while the Romans worked as a team and won.
6- The Celts liked fighting so much they didn't just fight against enemies, they fought against each other.
They also had a bit of fun fighting for other people as far away as Egypt, Greece and Asia Minor.
7- The Romans were shocked by rebel British leader Boudicca. When her husband died he left his land to
Emperor Nero and his daughters. The Emperor wanted it all and had Boudicca and the daughters
flogged. Big bad Boud attacked Roman towns and was especially cruel to women prisoners. They were
executed and bits of their bodies were cut off and stuck in their mouths
8- A Celt chieftains helmet found in Ciumesti (Romania) has a large model bird perched on top. Its
wings are spread and are hinged in the middle so they can flap up and down. Historians believe the
chieftain would only wear it on an important occasion, not in battle.
9- There is no doubt that the ancient Celts believed the greatest prize in a battle was the enemy's head.
They decorated both their saddles and the doors of their houses with heads. They preserved old heads in
cedar oil and brought them out every now and then to boast about them.
10- The Celts believed that single combat was a good way to show off your bravery and settle an
argument. Two heroes would step forward and begin by insulting each other. Then they'd start fighting
while the soldiers looked on to see they fought fairly.
The Celts were fierce fighters. The Roman historians tell some of the stories about Celt warriors, so they
are usually believed (why is it that people believe Horrible historians?). In fact the Romans probably
exaggerated a bit to make their own soldiers look better when they defeated the Celts.
1- Cu Chulainn became temporarily insane in battle, going into spasm when he was so full of blood lust
that he couldn't tell friend from foe. This frenzy can still be seen on soccer pitches today!
2- The early Celt warriors fought with no clothes on except perhaps a band around their necks called a
torque. They didn't believe in wearing armour. The Celts knew the gods would decide if they were to die
that day. All the armour in the world wouldn't protect them. Armour and underpants protected the
Romans!
3- The Celts were very bad losers. If it looked like they were losing they killed themselves. In one cheerful
Roman statue a Celtic warrior is shown plunging a sword into his chest with one hand, while holding the
body of his wife with the other He had already killed her to save her from capture.
4- The crafty Celts were great riders and invented a special saddle for fighting. They had now stirrups for
their feet so were always in danger of falling off. The Celt saddle of the 2nd and 3rd centuries BC had
four high bumps (pommels is the posh word) that could be gripped with the legs. That left one hand free
to guide the horse and the other hand to hold the weapon.
5- In 52 BC an army of 50,000 Romans defeated 250,000 Celts Gauls led by Vercingetorix. The trouble
was the Celts fought as individuals, while the Romans worked as a team and won.
6- The Celts liked fighting so much they didn't just fight against enemies, they fought against each other.
They also had a bit of fun fighting for other people as far away as Egypt, Greece and Asia Minor.
7- The Romans were shocked by rebel British leader Boudicca. When her husband died he left his land to
Emperor Nero and his daughters. The Emperor wanted it all and had Boudicca and the daughters
flogged. Big bad Boud attacked Roman towns and was especially cruel to women prisoners. They were
executed and bits of their bodies were cut off and stuck in their mouths
8- A Celt chieftains helmet found in Ciumesti (Romania) has a large model bird perched on top. Its
wings are spread and are hinged in the middle so they can flap up and down. Historians believe the
chieftain would only wear it on an important occasion, not in battle.
9- There is no doubt that the ancient Celts believed the greatest prize in a battle was the enemy's head.
They decorated both their saddles and the doors of their houses with heads. They preserved old heads in
cedar oil and brought them out every now and then to boast about them.
10- The Celts believed that single combat was a good way to show off your bravery and settle an
argument. Two heroes would step forward and begin by insulting each other. Then they'd start fighting
while the soldiers looked on to see they fought fairly.
The truth about Arthur
Over the centuries Arthur has become a British hero. Some people have built the most fantastic stories
around him. They have said
Arthur was King of Atlantis, A kingdom that sunk under the sea.
Arthur was an alien who landed on earth, zapped the Saxons then went off in his flying saucer.
Arthur sailed west after his last battle and became the first European to discover America- a thousand
years before Columbus.
The truth is¦
1- If Arthur really existed then he lived in the Dark Ages when no one was writing history. A couple of
monks mentioned him. Nennius said¦
At that time a great number of Saxons were invading Britain and increasing. Then Arthur and the British
kings fought the Saxons. He was there battle leader. The Pagans were put to flight that day and many of
them were slaughtered. A twelfth battle took place at Mount Badon in which a single attack from Arthur
killed 960. No other man took part in this massacre. In all those battles, Arthur was victorious.
2- The monk listed twelve battle sites and historians have argued about where they took place for a
thousand years. No one really knows but its fairly certain they were all over England, Scotland and Wales.
3- Historians argue over the line that says, No other man took part in the massacre of 960 men. Most
writers agree that it means no other battle leader took part.
4- Arthur seems to have been leader of some sort of travelling band of warriors, Tribal kings hired him to
sort out the Saxons and pick on the Picts. Wherever trouble arose.
5- It was 600 years after his death that monks started writing histories about him and making him into
the last of the Celt super hero's. Welsh monk Geoffrey of Monmouth wrote about Arthur in 1135, and
people believed they were facts because they appeared in a history book. Which goes to show, you never
believe EVERYTHING you read in a history book. Geoffrey had the date of Arthur's last battle as AD
542, by which time Arthur would have been 100 years old! No wonder the poor old wrinkly lost!
6- Then, in the 1150s, poems were written based on Geoffreys facts. Arthur's court at Camelot was
invented in an 1180,s poem and the search for the Holy Grail was added in an 1190,s poem. Other
storytellers added Merlin, ladies in lakes and battles with evil knights.
7- In 1344 King Edward III of England got hold of the story and decided to have his own Knights of the
Round Table. Then he changed his mind and the idea became the Knights of the Garter in 1348. Other
Kings of England have admired Arthur too. Henry VII named his son Arthur, Prince of Wales. But
Arthur died before he came to the throne, and his nasty brother, Henry VIII, took over instead. The
present Prince of Wales has Arthur as one of his middle names and caused such a stir with his marriage
problems that people now say he should never be king. Are we cursed never to have a King Arthur? Is
there a curse on the name?
8- A really large round table can be seen today in Winchester Castle and is probably one of Henry III, s
bright ideas, it certainly isn't the real Arthur's Round Table.
9- Thomas Malory wrote a long poem called The Death of Arthur and it became one of the first books
ever to be printed, in 1485. Arthur became a popular star, and still is today.
10- New films, books, plays, videos and magazines appear every year. There are coach trips to Arthur's
sites, a King Arthur Society and you can even have a King Arthur holiday.
The final truth is¦
There was almost certainly a strong and successful warrior among the Celtic Britons.
For 30 years or more he held back the flood of Saxon invaders.
When he died the Saxons invaded the country and the Celt Britons were finished.
We don't know the name of this last great British Celt. But we may as well call him Arthur.
Over the centuries Arthur has become a British hero. Some people have built the most fantastic stories
around him. They have said
Arthur was King of Atlantis, A kingdom that sunk under the sea.
Arthur was an alien who landed on earth, zapped the Saxons then went off in his flying saucer.
Arthur sailed west after his last battle and became the first European to discover America- a thousand
years before Columbus.
The truth is¦
1- If Arthur really existed then he lived in the Dark Ages when no one was writing history. A couple of
monks mentioned him. Nennius said¦
At that time a great number of Saxons were invading Britain and increasing. Then Arthur and the British
kings fought the Saxons. He was there battle leader. The Pagans were put to flight that day and many of
them were slaughtered. A twelfth battle took place at Mount Badon in which a single attack from Arthur
killed 960. No other man took part in this massacre. In all those battles, Arthur was victorious.
2- The monk listed twelve battle sites and historians have argued about where they took place for a
thousand years. No one really knows but its fairly certain they were all over England, Scotland and Wales.
3- Historians argue over the line that says, No other man took part in the massacre of 960 men. Most
writers agree that it means no other battle leader took part.
4- Arthur seems to have been leader of some sort of travelling band of warriors, Tribal kings hired him to
sort out the Saxons and pick on the Picts. Wherever trouble arose.
5- It was 600 years after his death that monks started writing histories about him and making him into
the last of the Celt super hero's. Welsh monk Geoffrey of Monmouth wrote about Arthur in 1135, and
people believed they were facts because they appeared in a history book. Which goes to show, you never
believe EVERYTHING you read in a history book. Geoffrey had the date of Arthur's last battle as AD
542, by which time Arthur would have been 100 years old! No wonder the poor old wrinkly lost!
6- Then, in the 1150s, poems were written based on Geoffreys facts. Arthur's court at Camelot was
invented in an 1180,s poem and the search for the Holy Grail was added in an 1190,s poem. Other
storytellers added Merlin, ladies in lakes and battles with evil knights.
7- In 1344 King Edward III of England got hold of the story and decided to have his own Knights of the
Round Table. Then he changed his mind and the idea became the Knights of the Garter in 1348. Other
Kings of England have admired Arthur too. Henry VII named his son Arthur, Prince of Wales. But
Arthur died before he came to the throne, and his nasty brother, Henry VIII, took over instead. The
present Prince of Wales has Arthur as one of his middle names and caused such a stir with his marriage
problems that people now say he should never be king. Are we cursed never to have a King Arthur? Is
there a curse on the name?
8- A really large round table can be seen today in Winchester Castle and is probably one of Henry III, s
bright ideas, it certainly isn't the real Arthur's Round Table.
9- Thomas Malory wrote a long poem called The Death of Arthur and it became one of the first books
ever to be printed, in 1485. Arthur became a popular star, and still is today.
10- New films, books, plays, videos and magazines appear every year. There are coach trips to Arthur's
sites, a King Arthur Society and you can even have a King Arthur holiday.
The final truth is¦
There was almost certainly a strong and successful warrior among the Celtic Britons.
For 30 years or more he held back the flood of Saxon invaders.
When he died the Saxons invaded the country and the Celt Britons were finished.
We don't know the name of this last great British Celt. But we may as well call him Arthur.
| This is my attempt at giving you a different slant on learning history, if you like this way of learning, then let me know when you sign my guestbook and I will add more. |
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